Signs of an Emotional Affair

1) If you have caught yourself thinking or saying, "we're just friends" you are probably already in trouble. If there is not a problem going on, why would you need to say "we are just friends?" If you have to defend the relationship, especially to a spouse, then the question becomes "What are you defending?"

2) Wanting to tell them first when something fun, interesting or important happens in your day. This one sounds so small yet it is so telling. When something happens in our day, the people we think to tell first are the one's to whom we are the closest. What is it that is making you think of telling this person first? Is it safe being this close to this person?

3) Sharing intimate emotions. We have a big boundary issue hear folks. There are some emotions that you keep to yourself and/or to a few intimate others. Sharing these emotions quickly bonds you to a person.

4) Sharing intimate problems. Here's another boundary issue. If you are sharing intimate problems from your marriage with someone of the opposite sex who is not your therapist, you are stepping over the line. You have unwittingly forged an alliance with this other person that leaves your spouse out.

5) You believe that this person understands you much more than your spouse. It's easy to feel understood by a sympathetic other when there are problems at home. It is also much easier to understand and sympathize with another person when you are not undertaking the messy task of living with each other.

6) Keeping secrets and covering up. This one should scream loudly at you. This is just another step in the process of crossing the line and becoming closer to this person than you are to your spouse. If you are secretly emailing, texting, calling the other woman behind your partner's back, you are in serious trouble. Secrets bind people to each other in ways that are many times unhealthy.

7) Giving gifts you would not normally give to a friend. A good question to ask is "Would I give this gift to a buddy?" If the answer is no, then why are you doing it?

8) Spending more and more time alone. You are now careening down a slippery slope. Time alone allows you to behave in ways you would not in public. This is a powerfully dangerous move.

9) Thinking and daydreaming about the person more and more often. This one should be screaming loudly at you "WATCH OUT!" Do you daydream and think about your friends in anywhere near the same way?

10) Looking forward to the next time you can see and/or talk to the person. This one seems innocent enough, doesn't it? Yet this warning sign indicates you have moved from casual connections to anticipated and planned connections, and the connection is taking up more and more space in your head. Also not being truthful about how this time is spent with your partner. Chances are as well, you have noticed a discomfort from your partner about this person.

Found at: http://atlanta.craigslist.org/mis/860818962.html